Admirable Friendship

When you meditate, remind yourself there are two things the Buddha said that lie at the basis of getting your first taste of the deathless. One is appropriate attention. And the other is admirable friendship. In other words, it depends on qualities inside and outside.

With admirable friendship you look for someone who embodies the Dhamma, like the Buddha. You learn his words. You read about his actions. And you think about what that implies for you. You try to emulate his good actions, his good qualities.

He points out four qualities you want to develop: conviction, virtue, generosity, discernment.

You look at his conviction. He was convinced that there was a way out of suffering. And he tried many different ways, and he never gave up. So it’s good to have that kind of conviction, too. When you run into obstacles on the path, realize there have been people on the path here before you, and they’ve probably run into the same obstacles. They had your strengths. They had your weaknesses. And they were able to use their strengths to get around those obstacles.

Well if they can do it, you can too. It’s good to have that kind of confidence. In fact, this is a lot of what appropriate attention is, is seeing good examples and then applying to your own case, particularly applying it to the question of why is it that there’s suffering. Why is there stress? Why does the mind feel squeezed by things? Look into that. What is the squeeze? Why is it squeezed? And have some confidence that there’s a way out. That’s the example provided by the Buddha.

So he has this truth that the whole of the holy life is admirable friendship. But at the same time, you have to be your own mainstay. Those two principles may sound contradictory, but they actually work together because you have eyes, ears. You can read, you can look, you can listen, and you can see good examples. Then it’s up to you to decide whether you want to follow those good examples or not. Or are you going to continue following the bad examples that you’ve been taking for so long?

So remember, you want to combine these two qualities. There are good examples outside. Focus on those. There are so many bad examples in the world. And it’s so easy to get worked up about them. But their bad behavior, of the people in the world outside, are not going to take you to hell. It’s your own behavior that can. So you’ve got to be very careful about that. So look for good examples to lift up the state of your mind. And have the confidence that, yes, you can do this. That way things are helping you both inside and out.

So remember, your practice has support. Make the most of it.