Desire Restraining Desire

Close your eyes and try to keep attentive to the breath. Watch it as it comes in, as it goes out. And then again and again. Stay right here. As for any thoughts that go someplace else, you can say No and come back to the breath. One good way of enforcing that No* *is to make the breath as comfortable as you can. Ask yourself what kind of breathing would feel good right now? You can try short or long. Light or heavy. Slow or fast. Shallow or deep. See what feels best right now because you really do want to enforce that No. It’s a principle of restraint.

When Ajaan Suwat was alive—he’s the founder of our monastery—this is one of the topics he would stress most often: You’ve got to exercise restraint in what you do, what you say, what you think. His definition of a stupid person is someone who has an idea popping into his head and it then comes right out his mouth. You have to stop and filter it. Ask yourself, “Is saying this going to lead to long-term happiness, or just short term?”

We all too often think that restraint means saying No to your desires. Actually, you say No to some desires, but Yes to other desires that are actually in your interest. You want long-term happiness. That’s a good desire. You want to be responsible for that. You want to maintain a happiness that’s genuine and also harmless. So give some thought to those desires. When you have the urge to say something that you know is not quite right, or to do something you know is not quite right, ask yourself, “What about my other desires—the desires for something more solid? How do they compare to the pleasure of having said that short little thing that I wanted to say?”

So it’s a battle between your desires, rather then a battle against desire, per se. You’re trying to figure out which of your desires you can trust, which desires have your best interests in mind.

Some desires come and whisper in your ear and then they go. Then you do things that will make you suffer or somebody else suffer. Where is the original desire at that point? It’s gone. It’s totally irresponsible. You want to pay attention to your responsible desires. Like right now: Your responsible desire is to stay with the breath to develop your powers of concentration. That’s a good desire to maintain, a good desire to follow through with.

So see restraint not as a confinement, but simply as a matter of having a sense of priorities. There are some forms of happiness that will give you a short-term buzz but then will cause long-term pain. As the Buddha said, when you see that there’s a long-term happiness that comes from abandoning a short-term happiness, the wise person is willing to abandon the short term for the sake of the long term. It’s a basic principle. Everybody knows it. But the question is: How many of us follow through? All too often we go for the quick fix.

So remember that the desire for long-term happiness is a desire that should be honored. This is one of the reasons why we bow down to the Buddha every day, to remind ourselves of that fact. He was willing to sacrifice all kinds of things for the sake of a genuine long-term happiness. He found that genuine happiness and brought it out to teach us. So out of gratitude for all of his efforts and out of respect for ourselves, we should learn how to exercise intelligent restraint over our thoughts, words, and deeds.

Ajaan Lee makes a comparison with having a house. You don’t leave the doors and windows to the house open all the time. You don’t keep them closed all the time. You know when to open them, when to close them. You open them when there’s a nice, cool breeze on a hot day. You open them when good people want to come in, when you want to send good people out into the neighborhood. Otherwise, it’s good to keep them closed.

Nothing is harmed by being a quiet person.

So choose your actions wisely. Act on the desires that have your true best interests in mind. Learn to see them as your friends.